I really wish I could put to words how I feel right now. However, I don't have a fraction of the knowledge of the english language for what it would require to filter this onto a screen.

I'm just rather tired of always being so sure of how I feel and knowing who exactly to blame for anything that goes wrong in life.

I think I've slowly digested the fact that there is no medium to life, with no set rules or standards that anyone should follow. Life was not meant to be fair and no matter how bad you think you have it, there are a million people that have it a million times worse than you and I could ever imagine.

I try not to be dramatic but I really don't believe there is such thing as happiness. I feel that what we think makes us happy is just a distraction from what is reality. Reality is not fair and does not slow down for us. It was not made for you and I to be comfortable. It is the way it is and the more we try to twist it into what we want to see, the worse it gets. I believe the sooner we accept this, the better. There is no sense in wallowing in pity for the rest of your life. You have to present some sort of progress, rather than just wither in stagnation for eternity.

It upsets me how far I have to take this sometimes but it's not often that I feel this honest with myself. Tomorrow morning, I will be back my normal self and I'll read this. I'll laugh at myself and get embarassed that people ever read this. However, if I don't write this down, I feel as if I'll never remember. It's almost as if it's a photo to remember someone by. Instead, I'm trying to remember myself. My real self, I suppose.

I don't really care enough to even re-read this because I know as soon as I do, I'm going to start picking at it. I don't really even care enough to keep writing.

I'm just really sorry.